Clearing the Air!

I have been feeling the need to express myself (as Madonna has advised to do....well, maybe not in that way).  Anyway, I know a lot of you who follow this blog are also my friends on facebook.  I also know that it might seem like I complain a lot about living in Indiana.  For that reason, I feel like I need to "clear the air."  So here goes......

I have lived in several places.  I actually LOVE moving and making new friends.  It's what I do.  And I usually do it well.  When I moved to Kentucky, I fit right in.  When I moved to Oklahoma, I fit right in.  When I moved to Seattle and then to Georgetown, Kentucky, I fit right in.  But when I moved to Noblesville, Indiana, I struggled.  And I still do.  I guess I've never had that phase where you feel like you just don't belong.  I am so thankful that I never had to deal with that in middle and high school or even in college.

So why am I having such a hard time here?  Well, I'm not sure.  And I hate to sound like I complain all the time.  I feel down in the dumps A LOT when I'm here by myself.  I tend to keep things inside but occasionally (just every now and then), I have to let it out.  Facebook has become a way to vent.  It also is a means of sometimes making me feel really left out.  I read what other people are doing or have done and I wasn't informed or invited.  Which I know I can't be invited to everything.  Duh.  I wouldn't even expect to be.  But people shouldn't talk about how much fun they have or make their status updates such that would make people feel bad.  Ya know?

I know people might think I bring it on myself because I have (in the past) turned down a lot of offers or just haven't gone to certain events.  However, I feel like I went above and beyond trying to fit in when we first came.  I threw two parties (pretty much back-to-back).  I attended girls' night out.  I went to playgroup.  I (obviously) went to church.  But it just didn't work.  I still felt like I didn't quite fit in around here.  Am I blaming anyone?  Absolutely not.  Am I partly to blame?  Absolutely so.  Does it solve anything?  Hecks no.  The blame game never does.  Which is why I'm certainly NOT pointing any fingers!

And of course not having my husband around has also been a large contributing factor of some of my melancholy.  I usually sit around ALL day long with my children.  Adult interaction is rare.  So sometimes I get in a little bubble and then don't even feel like leaving my house.  And for that, I am to blame.....undoubtedly.

My point.....and I'm really trying to get to one.....is that being alone and feeling left out really stinks.  Big time.  But my trials are not nearly as great as others around me.  So please take my rants and raves with a grain of salt.  However, sometimes I just have to get things off my chest or I just might blow up.  Okay, people don't typically "blow up."  But complaining sometimes really does make ya feel better.  Trust me, I know!

So to my readers who may or may not think I'm a big ol' whiner, maybe this will shed some light on my situation!  I'm in a peculiar world.  A place I'm not familiar with.  I usually fit in and have lots of friends because that's me.  I love being social and meeting new people.  I promise.  I love serving others.  I love lending a helping hand.  That makes me happy.  I will try SUPER hard to make living in Indiana a pleasant experience.  I'm not ready to give up on it just yet!  However, I would totally dig living WITH my husband.  But seriously, I'm not totally knocking this state (some parts of it are....ahem.....cool).  I just need to put myself out there more and hopefully people will do the same!  :)

And that's what's going on inside this head!